How taking a break helped my relationship with my partner - Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka
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How taking a break helped my relationship with my partner

Spoiler, we never stopped loving each other.


When it comes to relationships, my boyfriend and I aren’t experts. Before I met him, I had a string of heartbreaks, and in his case, I was his first-ever girlfriend. We were having the time of our lives together until my parents forced him to cut ties with me. BOOM! To give you a bit of background to this story, I come from a conservative family that didn’t let me have anything my way (including this relationship), so when things got intense, I had to leave home. It was during this time that my boyfriend did what he had to do. It wasn’t easy for us, but we both knew that we’ll be in touch again, and we weren’t wrong. One week later he reached out to me, but something was different. We realised that things weren’t the same as before; there was fear of separation more than love. So we both agreed to do a reality check by taking a break, and this is how it helped us.

We learned the importance of connecting with ourselves

This doesn’t mean that the only way to start loving yourself is to take time off your relationship. Each situation is unique and in our case, we felt we were vulnerable together after such a heart-wrenching incident. For instance, I wanted more attention, and he was anxious about my family creating problems although I had cut contact with them. All this was toxic for both of us. By taking a break, we wanted to rise on our own and, when the time came, be stronger together. The first few days felt like a grave mistake, especially when I missed him and saw this as the end. But, we soldiered through and got busy working on ourselves. Then, on the day we got back together, there was no fear, just a healthy dose of happiness.

We had time off to reflect and deal with the real problem

Initially, we thought fear of separation was what we needed to battle, but tbh it wasn’t the core problem. During the days we were apart, we tried to figure out the cause behind our mounting anxiety. We slowly came to realise that it was normal to feel the way we did. We went through something traumatic and needed things to go back to normal as soon as possible. That expectation made us force a bond between us, and this wasn’t how our relationship was like before sh*t went down. In retrospect, I’m grateful we took time off because without it we may have broken up. ‘Sometimes you’ve got to bleed to know’  and this was true in our situation.

We realised the impact we have on each other

It was during this time that I saw how life could be better with him by my side and how easily I took his presence for granted. It was no different for him; the first thing he said when we got back together was, “It was only during the break that I understood I loved you more than I ever imagined.” This train of thought signalled us to start over, and this time, we knew it wasn’t because of loneliness but love.

If there’s one thing you should take away from this it’s this: irrespective of the issue at hand, you can’t force it away. You’ve got to give it time, and that’s where a break can do a world of good. This doesn’t mean you hit pause every time you have a relationship crisis. You make the mutual decision to distance yourselves only when you want to avoid an unnecessary break up that may be due to lack of self-love, not knowing how much the other person means to you, or when you don’t know what the real problem is.

What do you think ?

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