Being vain on the Internet: lockdown edition.
There are some things not even a pandemic can stop. Gossip, for example, still remains in fervent circulation despite the fact that everybody is stuck inside their homes. I don’t know how, and I don’t know what about, but I’m glad the resident Hot Goss Friend in everybody’s friend group is staying busy. Another thing that has refused to cease — marriage proposals. Despite the fact that no one’s going to be getting married for a while unless they want to have to shout their vows across a 6-foot distance and have industrial-strength bottles of hand sanitizer as table decor, aunties stay scheming.
And one last thing that coronavirus hasn’t been able to put a damper on — being vain on the Internet. In fact, quarantine has actually set in motion the perfect conditions for online vanity to thrive, even more so than before. We’re not getting as much external validation from physical interactions, so we’re relying even more heavily on virtual ones. Also, we’re really, really bored.
If you, like me, know that being vain on the Internet is nothing to be ashamed of, then you’ll only have one more tiny quandary about quarantine selfies. Namely, where to take them? No more cool location tags, no more fun backgrounds, no more pretending to be caught off-guard being immersed in the beauty of nature for likes (speaking from experience). But necessity is the mother of invention, so buckle in as we brainstorm every possible selfie location within the comfort of your own home.
By a window
Lighting truly is everything, and by a window is where you’ll get the best of it without actually having to go outside. Leaning gently against the side of your window frame, rays from the setting sun illuminating your face. Extra points if you have a fancy window grill that makes the light hit your face in a cute little pattern. People on Instagram love that.
On a balcony
If you’re lucky enough to have a balcony, use it. It’s like a little upgrade on a window — not really the same as going outside, but closer to it than standing next to a piece of glass. On a balcony, you also get the added bonus of being able to experiment with multiple angles. Sun hitting you right in the eyes, sun on only the left side of your face, sun behind you if you’re feeling mysterious and just want to post a little silhouette.
In the garden
If you have a fully-fledged garden in Colombo or its suburbs, congratulations, your parents have money. A garden really gives you full freedom with your selfies. They don’t even have to be selfies — have whoever you’re quarantined with do a full-on photoshoot, just because you can. That whole fake-candid-while-admiring-your-surroundings thing I mentioned before? Try that.
In a mirror
Mirror selfies remain undefeated. Quite honestly a classic, and versatile, too. A bathroom mirror selfie? A little bit sexy. Dressing table mirror selfie? Glamorous. Selfie taken on a random mirror you found leaning against the wall in your garage? Artsy, rustic, effortless! When in doubt, mirror selfie.
On the street
The furthest from your house you can go without breaking curfew, the only downside of taking selfies on your street is that your neighbours will probably stare. I don’t blame them, we’re all starved for entertainment these days, to the point where a woman pouting at her phone, then frowning at the result, deleting it, and repeating the process 20-40 more times is downright riveting.
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