We are all either getting less (or more) lovin’ rn
Sex is a need even though we’ve been hard-wired into thinking that you should only seek it after marriage (thanks aunties and brown culture for forcing that ideology onto us). There are multiple studies and books covering the dysfunctionality around female sexuality. This affects more than 40 per cent of women, but this is way better than how things were 30 years ago — it used to be a whopping 76 per cent. During a pandemic, sexual intimacy may be one of the last things most of us worry about —coping with a health crisis, overcoming pay-cuts, and reacting to irrational measures by some governments are just a few things on our minds.
Yet, given the fact nobody knows when we are going to get out of social distancing, I think it’s time we start addressing our sexual desires. There isn’t a uniform coping mechanism as some of us are single and others are not. So, let’s break it down further with couples who are quarantined together and those isolated apart. This is what you can do to deal with your sexual healing feelings (insert music tone emoji):
To be single today, is double the trouble for many. Some start to feel intense loneliness: Sadia, 23, says, “I have never stalked my exes this intuitively! And, the guys I flirt through online dating apps are a**holes.” There are also those like Priya, 26, with sentiments such as: “ I’m never this bothered about being single, but in this situation, I’m longing for hand holding, cuddles, and other forms of human touch.”
The flip side of being single now is that you socially distance from a lot of negative things too (including nosy relatives and others who make you feel bad about being single). Sasha, 30 explains, “Right now, I have sufficient space and time to realise that being single isn’t what made me feel miserable — it was my judgmental colleagues.” And there are some humorous spins to the situation and it’s hilarious!
Focus on finding nurturing connections. Whether you’re on a dating site right now or connecting (virtually) with a crush, it’s important to know that the guy (or gal), you’re talking to, is helping you feel better and vice-versa. Stay away from those who show red flags. This is a general rule, but it’s crucial ‘cause with all the madness going on, you don’t need to put up with people who will suck the energy out of you, simply because they sext well.
Connect with other single ladies or gentlemen. Knowing that you’re alone is a huge boon. Check up on your single friends, arrange group calls to laugh it off, create a WhatsApp group to share memes and give out good thoughts — that way, you’re helping each for the better. Dr Guy Winch suggests that “helping others is one of those things that has just as much benefit, in terms of positive psychological and emotional impact, for the person doing the helping as for the person being helped.”
Rethink how you use free time. By now you may be tired of the be-productive speeches on the internet (something acts as the peephole to the widely isolated world). What I’m about to say isn’t along the lines of the “survival of the fittest”. It’s about getting through the day; don’t plan into 6 months or even a month. Having a long-term vision is okay, but avoid setting specific schedules and activities during this time of uncertainty. Come up with three activities for each day and focus on getting it done. It can be anything from getting a proposal done to even finishing a TV series; keep it simple and you’ll be fine!
Couples In Isolation
Couples In Isolation
You have someone who can attend to your needs, but you don’t have them around during the curfew. A few have started to fall in love all over again by looking at their partners from a distance. Said, 25, summed it up by saying, “I’m never taking my girlfriend for granted ever again!” Some of my friends are coming to realise that their relationship is based on only sex and nothing else. Raveena, 20, confesses, “I think I’m falling out of love; it’s not exciting anymore.”
For those still deeply in love, this time is making them miss their partners more than ever. Anita, 30, shares, “We are constantly on a video call saying many ‘miss yous’. At the end of the day, we miss each other even more and we long for a video call detox ‘cause it gets too much.” I’ve also heard of some crazy-in-love kinda stories, where the guy has made an unofficial proposal leaving his gal speechless.
Put your energy into planning life after lockdown. Right now is not the time to think of the many sex positions you missed out on and the time you took granted for. Instead, what you can do is direct that energy into planning a cute getaway, channelling your fantasies towards that day.
Try proper sexting. This won’t equal sex, however this can go as far as an orgasm. If you’re new to this, look upon a complete guide on this and read through some of the examples on the internet.
Learn to be true about your feelings. For instance, if you’re coming to realise that all you need out of a relationship is sex, the right thing to do would be to communicate it to your partner. As long as both of you are on the same page, there’s no harm in becoming quarantine buddies or sexting partners.
Strike a balance between love and life. Missing your Significant Other for months when they might be living a kilometre away, is hard. So, it’s normal to find yourself constantly texting or on-call with your S.O. Having said that, it’s key to keep yourself busy in others ways as well. By taking over whole days at a time, one of you can become toxic to the other person with no escape in sight. Remember to give each other breathing space and find other ways to occupy your time.
Couples Quarantined Together
Couples Quarantined Together
You may be wondering why people in this category could have trouble having a good time in the sack these days. But, as the popular saying goes, “too much of anything is good for nothing.” Farah, 24, recently got married, lockdown sex has been in her favour, but she shared, “We wish we weren’t stuck in an eat-sex-sleep-repeat routine.”
Then there are couples like Ridhma, 33— she’s been living together with her fiancé for some time now and they’re having a lot of sex. According to them, most of the sexual moves aren’t even sexy. She told me, “we’re on the lookout for ways to spice up our sex life.”
Get creative with your time together. Steer away from dinner dates that are more routine. Consider something non-conventional like ballroom dancing, cooking something new together, backyard picnics, creating a micro-adventure list, taking a bubble bath together, having a karaoke night, babysitting for a friend, reminiscing memories together, playing Twister (naked!) and more. These can definitely suck the boredom out of lockdown and bring in more connection to your relationship.
Sexperiment. For a lasting intimacy with your partner, experimenting with your sexual acts is key. While some couples are comfortable with a certain position, try to mix it up. Try other sex positions that are proven to gift you with multiple Os. Broaden your scope with a few easy manoeuvres a la good old doggy style, cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. Alternatively, think about abstaining from sexy time for a week and then have a sex marathon night (it’ll be exhausting, but worth it!). Arrange a sexy photoshoot for some major foreplay, or grab a jar of Nutella or whipped cream, spread it all over your body and get your partner to lick it off. Don’t stop there! If you need for excitement, you’re only as limited by your imagination. Plus, this is a great time to enact your wildest fantasies (with each other’s consent, of course!). and keep looking for more ideas.
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