Unravelling Tantric Sex - Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka
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Unravelling Tantric Sex

The taste of salt lingers on your tongue and soft moans fill your ears....

Illustation by Sneha Devasurendra

Gone are the days when sex was an act of reproduction or pleasure. It’s broken free of its restrictive definition of “the penetration of a vagina by a penis” and has evolved into something a lot more intense and complex. We’ve grown into mastering the art of connecting on a deeper level, where love and lust collide, making the bond between two souls much stronger.

Picture this: You’re at a cocktail event, a glass of wine in hand, scanning the room. You spot your partner standing by the grand piano, and your heart skips a beat. Your hands get cold and your knees feel weak. All you want to do is leave this damn party and head home to an intense session of lovemaking. 

The smell of sandalwood lingers in the air, smooth jazz plays softly in the background. Souls are calm and bodies are relaxed. You gaze into those eyes and your skin tingles as soft strokes of love slide down your body. You feel the warmth of his touch and hear the sound of your synchronized breathing. Your fingers slide up and down his perfectly arched back and whisper sweet words of love. The taste of salt lingers on your tongue and soft moans fill your ears. You embrace the energy of desire and passion. Your grip tightens, toes curl, lips touch and bodies collide. 

You and your S.O have spent what feels like an eternity together, speaking a language only the two of you understand. His touch embraces you in a feeling of familiar comfort, peace, content and happiness. And, all you want to do is surrender to that feeling, close your eyes and whisper, “I love you”. 

This intense feeling of love, passion and affection isn’t just the stuff of romance novels, believe me. You and boo can experience this, too. Imagine being able to touch and speak to each other’s soul without uttering a single word. 

Hi, Tantric Sex! 

So, how do you even begin to achieve this type of passion? Through a little something called tantric sex. Sexual intercourse is no longer an act of body-on-body pleasure or a pre-requisite to building a family. It’s much more than that. It’s the most intimate way two bodies and souls can become one, and tantric sex is no different. All it does is make you slow down and relax enough to feel a sense of intense awareness and control. It teaches you to be present in yourself, as well as with your partner in every possible way. 

There’s nothing wrong with pursuing your ambitions and being the ace goal-getter you are. But often, a hectic lifestyle can become overwhelming. Slowing down, taking a breath and appreciating that special person in your life is vital for a wholesome and passionate relationship. Plus, it’ll help keep exhaustion, frustration, and possible burnout at bay. 

Have you ever looked at lover boy and said, “You know, we don’t talk much anymore” or heard him say, “It’s like you’re always miles away”? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. The agonizingly slow, almost unnoticed distance created between the two of you by a whirlwind of duties and responsibilities, can be terrifying. No matter how much you love or are committed to someone if both of you are physically and emotionally disconnected, your relationship is at risk. You mustn’t lose sight of what’s important and who you’re doing all this hard work for. Sometimes, love is just not enough. It takes dedication and effort. 

So whether you have been together for six months or five years, never lose sight of the connection that started to grow within you. Keep igniting that spark to ensure the intimate energy that connects you as one,  grows with time. You need to bring down the walls and expand your horizons. Strip naked and share your vulnerabilities. Let your biggest fears be your biggest strength and let your biggest insecurities ground you to the earth as one. Tantric sex can help you achieve this. You might not see the results overnight, but in the long run, your efforts will pay off. 

Your Guide To Tantric Sex

This is all well and good, but you’re probably wondering exactly how this all works. To help steer you in the right direction, follow this brief guide on how to have tantric sex. 

Step 1
Block out about 3 – 4 hours and make sure any, and all kinds of distractions, be it work, kids or family, are completely taken care of. You will need this time for the two of you.

Step 2
Create a romantic, calm and relaxing atmosphere. Dim the lights, or switch them off and use candles (bonus points if they’re scented!). Prep a playlist with slow instrumental music and play in the background. You will need: Massage oils, towels, pillows, a few snacks and something to drink (optional). 

Step 3
Step into the bath together. Let the warm water caress your skin and calm your body. Look into your partner’s eyes, watch the way his body moves and the way the water flows through his hair. Encourage him to do the same to you. Outline his body with your fingertips, but keep in mind not to engage in sexual activities yet. Let a serene feeling settle in you, calming your nerves. 

Step 4
Once out of the bathroom, sit apart from each other (without facing your S.O). Both of you need to close your eyes and relax. Take slow and steady breaths. Focus on inhaling and exhaling until you feel your mind is at ease and completely free of other thoughts and disturbances. Hint: You won’t be able to master this overnight, but remember, practice makes perfect. 

Step 5 
Sit cross-legged, facing each other (or in any other intimate position you prefer). Let your knees and hands touch. Share each other’s energy and emotions. Synchronize your breathing to match boo’s and let your minds, souls and bodies connect. Hint: This, too, takes time. So keep at it, until it comes easily to you both. 

Step 6 
Lie down and let your partner give you a slow and sensual full-body massage. Keep your mind from wandering and focus on what’s happening now, both within yourself, as well as, with your partner. End the massage with a long and intense genital massage. If you feel you’re about to climax, focus your attention elsewhere, prolonging your orgasm as much as possible. Focus on other parts of your body and allow that feeling to spread to the rest of your body. Be sure to communicate and let your partner know what you like and what feels good. This is key. Hint: You may (or may not) orgasm, but remember the big O is not your goal here. Rather it is to be aware of every touch. 

Step 7 
After you recover, give the same massage to your partner. Pay attention to his body language and sounds, understanding that his wants and desires may not be similar to what you enjoy. Maintain intimate contact with your partner through your hands, kisses or soft words of love. Hint: As was the case with you, his orgasm is not the goal; making him feel good and helping him maintain concentration is. 

Step 8 
Once both of you recover from the massages, stay immobile in an intimate position. The recommended position in tantric sex is Yab Yum, believed to be more intimate. You sit on your partner’s lap with your legs wrapped around (or vice versa) with your genitals connected. Stay still in this position taking in every part of your partner, breathing together and gazing into each other’s eyes until you feel a deep and undeniable connection filled with desire. 

Step 9
Slowly reposition yourself as you prefer without breaking the connection you’ve built throughout the previous steps. Then, make slow, long and passionate love the way you usually would. 

Step 10 
Include tantric sex into your love life as much as possible to master the art of truly connecting through your mind, body and soul as one. 

Yes, it’s a lot of work. It puts you in a lot of vulnerable positions making your insecurities and fears surface, but that’s the whole point of tantric sex. You need to find the courage to share your qualms and uncertainties, allowing yourself to let down your guard around someone else. Then, using the shared energy and strength both of you generate, you can overcome these misgivings. The best part? You’ll walk away with a connection so deep, it’ll help you build a solid physical and emotional bond that’ll only grow with time. And, that, girlfriend, is a win.

This is just a guide. Feel free to improvise and experiment. At the end of the day, there are no rules when you’re under the sheets! 

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