A Lankan Girl’s Tinder Adventures - Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka
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A Lankan Girl’s Tinder Adventures

It’s been a ride.

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I joined the world of online dating a few months ago and since then, life has certainly been very entertaining. From the dudes with the witty one-liners to the boys sporting their abs in all their glory to the total creeps, I encountered them all. Here, I break them all down for you, so hopefully, some of you first timers will learn a thing or two when navigating Tinder. At the most, you can have a hearty laugh at my escapades!

1. The Hookup-Before-Hi Guy

Yup, you guessed it right, this is the guy who wants to put out before even saying hi. I don’t know why he thought, saying, “Wanna sex?” before even saying hello was ever going to score him a fling online or otherwise. Besides, no one in C-Town even agrees to a date without knowing all about the dude’s family history. Some revision on basic communication skills are in order, my dear. But, I wish you good luck!

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2. The Girl That Questions My Preferences

Although I’ve clearly stated my preference as ‘Men’ at the outset, I (read: my friends and I) encountered a girl while swiping one tipsy Friday night. Naturally, said friends swiped right and a conversation was born! What could’ve been a perfect best-friend scenario (we literally shared the same food preferences!) was ruined by weird winky gif’s and post-Friday night shame. Tinder needs to fix this mix-up, so I don’t lead anyone on and channel my inner Regina George. Besides, Colombo is too small to make terrible mistakes like this. My apologies!

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3. The Total Creep

This is the guy who just creeps you out from the get go. He uses the location/ distance meter thing to track your whereabouts and constantly sends you seriously stalker-like messages that go from “You’re out of Colombo” to “You’re getting closer now!” Why would anyone in their right mind think this was a good move? Whether you’re a foreigner or 100% Lankan, this is one creepy move that’s indicative of a potential inner Ted Bundy. Boy, BYE!

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4. The Cheater

Lesson number one: Colombo is a very small city where everyone knows pretty much everyone else. So, if you’re hitched or exclusively seeing someone, please delete your Tinder account stat! Just stay loyal. Lesson number two: Ladies, do not swipe right on someone solely based on chiselled abs. Turns out this extremely good looking chap (who got seriously butt hurt over a late reply!) is in a long-term relationship. Thanks to my friends, who I share all my T-adventures with, I dodged a big-Lankan-relationship-drama bullet.

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5. The Genuinely Hilarious & Nice Guy

Don’t get me wrong, they weren’t all bad. After all, it would be weird if I didn’t bump into at least one nice person right? Right. In fact, I encountered a few nice guys. With some I regularly discuss my unpopular TV show opinions and with others I exchange funny memes. I won’t say getting to said nice dudes didn’t take up a lot of swiping and T-date fails, but hey if you can get past the cringe-worthy pickup lines, there are probably some decent guys in Colombo for all you single gals. I know I’ve definitely found someone I see myself sharing a plate of hot buttered cuttlefish with while enjoying a cool Lankan breeze!

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You can consider me #shooketh.

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