Self-love is exciting, challenging, empowering and vital, no matter your age. The Chief Operating Officer of Softlogic Finance PLC gives Cosmo the ultimate guide to finding that love. All hail.
“You need to know who you are, what makes you tick, what your purpose is and the goals you want to achieve. These can evolve as you go through life, but, it’s vital that you constantly tell yourself that you are worthy and adequate.”
Overcome persistent negative attitudes
“They prevent us from getting to know ourselves, coming to peace with who we are, being confident, growing and actually thriving at life. Before you can expect anybody else to love, respect or like you, you need to be happy with yourself. The minute you’re uncomfortable with who you are, it’s obvious to everyone around you, but most importantly it means you’re living an inauthentic life and not being true to yourself.”
Ergo, live authentic
“I see it happening all too often. Women forget the amazing people they are and instead try to mimic someone else. Whether it’s how they dress, their accent, who they talk to or the things they do (you’ll suddenly find friends who don’t typically smoke, puffing on a cigarette!), few women are keen to discover who they truly are. Leave society alone—it can make you miserable if you let it, and there’s no time to live by arbitrary rules.”
The cycle of confidence
“You need to give this journey of self-discovery importance, because it’s a direct link to who you are. Confidence is everything. Even if you make a mistake, you need to own it. To own it, you have to be confident. It’s a cycle.”
Put together a great squad
“You need to surround yourself with positive people who have your best interests at heart and accept you for who you are. When you have people cheering you on, you automatically develop confidence. But if you have people tearing you down or making you doubt your abilities, you can’t grow.”
“It will help you on your journey towards being happy and accepting yourself, flaws and all. It’s something very personal and has helped me be true to myself, and build self-assurance and confidence from within, which in my opinion, is one of the most beautiful things in a human being. We are uniquely flawed and that’s okay.”
Make your own decisions, always
“Listen to advice, talk to people or seek therapy. But ultimately, ensure you make your own choices. Some of them may be wrong. So what? Learn from it. Every mistake is a lesson, and when you’re right, the confidence you build will make you stronger.”
Be needy…toward yourself
“We play a multitude of roles (mother, wife, sister, friend, employee/boss) simultaneously, each at peak level without even realising it. If we don’t stop to recharge our batteries, we will burn out. Read a book, meet a friend for coffee, run a long, luxurious bath or indulge in a glass of wine. Whatever you want to do, you owe it yourself and the people who rely on you, to be your most rested, productive self.”
You are who you love
“Be confident with what you’re looking for in a relationship. It’s all about the give-and-take, and to strike the right balance, you need to be comfortable with who you are and what you hope to gain from your partner. If you don’t know that, then you’re in the sticky situation of being insecure or needy, which is not great for either party.”
Brush the dirt off your shoulder
“Grow a thick skin and don’t take everything to heart. At the end of the day, people will talk and society will judge you. Initially, not letting things bother you will be difficult, but as you go through life, it gets easier. Trust me!”
Be the bigger person
“I love this quote by Michelle Obama: ‘When they go low, we go high.’ When I was younger, I could never do that. If someone pulled me into an argument I’d go in fighting, whether it was in real life or online. Today, it’s difficult for me to be a part of a negative argument or discussion. Even if I see something controversial on Facebook, I move away, because whoever posted it has his/her own opinion. I have mine, but I don’t need to voice it because I’m not looking for validation.”
Know that not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay.
“Today, I am so much more confident that I was when I was in my twenties, because I know that not everyone will like me, and I’ve made my peace with that.”
Get over it, and love yourself
“Sulk if you have to, cry if you must, feel sorry for yourself a little – no problem – but come out of it. Move forward knowing that you’re alright. Be content with who you are and be proud of what you’ve achieved. The rest will take care of itself. Life is short and it’s really up to us to make the most of it.”
This article was originally published as ‘A Guide To Having The Most Significant Relationship Ever…With Yourself’ in the August 2017 Confidence issue of Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka. For more stories of inspiring women, grab a copy of our latest magazine.
Great read! Shared it already!
Thanks Indresh for talking so openly to Shipham!
Very inspiring. Worth to read. Thank you for sharing.
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