Dear Aunty, please stop commenting on my posts.
Everyone knows that likes aren’t everything; comments count, too. Sadly, we both know you crave that Insta-Gratification., but most of the time, the comments aren’t what you were expecting or wanted. It’s probably from your aunt, your grandmother or that guy you met ONCE at a party who insists that the two of you are best friends now. So, here is a breakdown of the types of Instagram comments you should probably expect when you post that super cute picture of yourself at the beach this summer, especially if you’re Sri Lankan.
1. ‘That’ Relative:
This is the family member whose follow request you tactfully ignored, that is, until you met them at a reunion, where they promptly (and not at all subtly!) reminded you of it. Their comments are probably going to be essay length, with at least 5 ellipses in them. They might start off with compliments like, “What a pretty frock!” but inevitably lapse into an interrogation on your family or school life: “When are you going to finish your O levels? What next? A degree? A husband? Grandchildren?” Then they’ll swiftly end with a “Give my love to (insert every member of your family and possibly your extended one too, maybe even your dog.) Love, Aunty Rosie xxxx.”
If you’re lucky, that’s the most you’ll have to endure. If you’re not (which is mostly the case), it’s probably going to be because your skirt is far too short or your jeans are a little too ripped. These comments will go something like this: “Aiyo, how does your mother let you go out like this! In my day we didn’t wear skirts that short! The Shame!” Or, my favourite: “Oh darling! Your jeans are a little worn out, shall I buy you some new ones?” This was a funny joke the first time I heard it, but, now, it’s getting a little old, don’t you think?
2. The Creeps:
‘Creeps’ is pluralised here because, well, there are so very many of them. Be wary of these comments ladies. You should probably block these guys! Their comments will definitely make you want to delete your post or account, and will read something like this: “Sha, what a pretty girl dr, u r my hart,” or “I think I’m love u baby” (whatever that means.)
3. Photo Credits? Photo Credits? Hey, photo credits?
Every now and then, we post a bomb picture of ourselves, receive a notification, and excitedly open Instagram expecting a compliment. But, sadly, all we find is a comment by the friend who took the picture, making sure everyone knows she was the one who did. “Wow! I wonder who took this masterpiece!” (Spoiler alert, we know it was you!) Or “Amazing! Whoever took this is a pro photographer!” Let’s be real though, we’ve all been that friend, there’s no shame in patting yourself on the back.
4. The Fake Bestie:
This comment comes from that one girl, you dislike, who obviously dislikes you too, but pretends to adore you on Instagram. If these comments were real, then so are Kylie Jenner’s lips. It’ll probably go like this: “Damn! I wish I looked like you!” (No you don’t, and don’t forget to insert at least a thousand monkey face emojis and hearts.)
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