The Things We Wish Would Stop Happening At Hen Parties - Cosmopolitan Sri Lanka
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The Things We Wish Would Stop Happening At Hen Parties

Enough with the weird straws.

Getty Images/Dorling Kindersley

What is it about an upcoming wedding that makes your relatively normal and forward-thinking group of friends suddenly obsessed with p*nis paraphernalia and male strippers? Edible chocolate willies and ghastly polyester bride to be sashes are just some of the hen party traditions that need to be put on a high shelf to make way for some new ones that don’t perpetuate gross stereotypes.

Giving The Bride No Say In The Matter

It’s weird that the bride doesn’t give any input into this big event that’s all about her; this isn’t an episode of Don’t Tell The Bride FFS. We’ve been to too many parties where the bride has sat uncomfortably through a lap dance or a blow job tutorial that her maid of honour selected from the list of bachelorette party ideas she found on Wikipedia. This should be a group effort, where the bride gets to choose whether she’s in the mood to be humiliated with invasive questions about her sex life, or would rather go for a brunch and spa day.

The Concept Of It Being Your Last Night Of Freedom 

This is just depressing. If you equate getting married to losing your freedom then soz, but you might be marrying the wrong guy. Also, describing it as your ‘last night of being single’ implies you two have been less than committed to each other up until this point (we know it’s just a wording thing, but maybe check that you guys have been on the same page, just in case).

Separating Genders

Why do we all of a sudden pretend to only have female friends when it comes to organising a hen party? This is a great opportunity for the inner circle of the wedding to mingle and have fun together (and lay some ground work for the main event, because the bride and groom shouldn’t be the only ones hooking up at a wedding).

P*nis-Shaped Everything

P*nis cake, p*nis straws, phallic-shaped Alice bands, giant inflatable p*nises… There seems to be no limit to what people will print a d*ck on. Firstly, those willy straws are actually awkward AF to drink out of (plus, straws are bad for the environment; just use your damn mouth), and secondly, the p*nis in question is almost always ‘pink’ (and super veiny, WTF?). At least be a bit more inclusive, gross, p*nis-printing companies!

That Game Where You Mould P*nises Out Of Clay

Again with the p*nis thing. There are a few variations on this one, the main activity being the bride showing us how her husband-to-be’s d*ck looks by moulding it out of a piece of Plasticine. This is definitely like a pre-photograph version of a nude and it’s making everyone at the party uncomfortable (especially your mom; why do you guys invite your moms to these things?).

The Public Humiliations

Making your friend wear a bright pink sash and giving her tasks to do like ‘Kiss a bald man on the head’ or ‘Flash a stranger’ is ordinarily frowned upon, but oddly acceptable on a hen night. This ties in with the idea of the bride needing to get all of her fun in before she puts a permanent ball and chain on, and stops living her best life. There are way more fun games to play that don’t involve embarrassing your friend (and the poor bald men in the vicinity).

From Cosmo ZA

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