Coz we’re tired of being the butt of all jokes.
In an era where celebs like Kim Kardashian, Nicky Minaj and Jennifer Lopez are envied by the rest of the world for possessing a fabulous posterior, what you may not know is that a big booty comes with a heavy price (literally).
Jeans That Don’t Fit Right
We are forever waiting for the day that will give us jeans, which fit our legs in one go. Until such time, we are resigned to trying out different pairs each time we shop because, even if we know the reading on the measuring tape, each cut fits differently: jeans always find a way to either get stuck at the fleshiest parts of our thighs or leave a large gap at the waist. High-waisted jeans take up so much butt room that they resemble low-rise jeans while the latter are simply out of the question (unless you want your undies out in the open).
Finding A Seat
Barstools and benches are our biggest enemies when it comes to sitting down. We have to master the art of holding in our bottoms as much as possible, but even then, it’s a fall-out waiting to happen. We would much rather head towards a chair or a couch to prevent people from seeing our embarrassing seating fails. And let’s not even think of sitting on our boyfriends’ laps. We also apologize for taking up space in vehicles. (It’s not our fault that our butts need plenty of room!)
Pencil Skirts (In Sri Lanka)
We know Kim K favours these numbers but on our island, sizes only favour a certain type of person, and is definitely not available for us big-bottomed gals. We are deeply sad that we can only window-shop that gorgeous leather pencil skirt perfect for a gals night out, or that fire-engine red piece in which to go clubhoppin’. (Sistas, we feel your pain!)
The Risk of Ripping Pants
We love dishing out sexy dance moves, so imagine the agony of avoiding anything that involves getting low (unless we’re dressed in flared skirts or harem pants). Even normal actions like bending over and picking up your fallen bag is a hurdle. We basically hold in our breath (and butt), and pray that we safely complete the mission without a single rip.
We have many horrible memories of unintentionally flashing our undies to poor unsuspecting souls (who were probably scarred for life by the partial view of underwear being eaten up by our bottom). Thongs can be lifesavers but do us no good in a flash situation because *nude alert*.
Squeezing In-between Narrow Spaces
We hate the fact that we can’t simply breeze through small gaps in bars, restaurants or our favourite cafés, because our butt decided to make things difficult for us. Inevitably our rears may end up in someone’s face or knock over a glass on the table.
Bodycon No More!
As much as we’d love to dress up in bodycon outfits, our dear butt prevents us from showing off our curves by making the hemline ride up so much it’s a public hazard. Unless we go for a lengthy version of the bodycon, which would ideally come to rest below our knees (we hope!).
Sizing Issues: On Top and Below
You cannot understand the pain we big-bootied women go through every time we have one size for shirts or t-shirts and a completely different one for pants or skirts. That’s not counting the dilemma with dresses, where we have to get a larger size and then get the top half adjusted to fit our torso.
Have more big butt issues? Sound off in the comments below?
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