Remember that time you were going on a trip with the fam and your mum asked you to use the bathroom before you left? What did you say? Some variant of, “Hell no, I don’t need to” with a snobbish-AF look on your face. How old does she think you are? Five?
Fast forward half an hour. Just as you’re making good time, beating the Colombo traffic, and settling in for the long drive ahead, you feel it. Crap. The pee’s a-comin’ and all bets are off. Dare you tell your mother? If she is anything like mine, no. You hold that sh*t in. Here’s how:
1. DO NOT MOVE. This is the cardinal rule. No bouncing, no jigging. You keep your knees together and hold still.
2. BREATHE. Close your eyes, and exhale that breath you’ve been holding because you’re convinced if you breathe out, you’ll pee. Well, maybe, if you exhale in one big rush. But it’s all about control. Release your breath nice and easy, and continue this pace as you take in your next lungful. You’ll calm down immediately and the pressure on your bladder is relieved ever-so-slightly. Next advantage? You’re so focussed on your breathing, you can almost forget the urgency.
3. DRINK WATER. Anybody tell you that you shouldn’t drink water when you need to pee because it’ll want to make you pee more? False. You need to pee so badly, those five sips of water aren’t going to change a thing and the activity gives your system something else to negotiate, temporarily forgetting about your over-excited bladder. Stay hydrated and swallow slowly. Never overexcite your body and do not chug the whole bottle. This is not a game. It is sustenance and distraction.
4. STRETCH YOUR MUSCLES. Relaxing your body is like taking the tension away from an over-stretched rubber band (which, in this case, is your bladder). Tell those tendons to calm the eff down till the next pit-stop and chances are they’ll listen.
5. DRIFT AWAY. Body taken care of? Put on those headphones and play jams that get you grinding (not literally, please). Lose yourself in a fave tune and chances are you’ll forget all about the emergency and potential close call.
You are a BOSSLADY. Pee’s got nothing on you.
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